One plus one plus one plus one equals zero.....In 1985 Night Train To Terror proclaimed a new dawn in satanic antimathematics by deviously adding four narratives together to create absolutely zero narrative whatsoever.

It is an uncanny coincidence and cosmic harbinger that zero is also Ulster Film Office’s predicted audience for this screening.

Stay well away from this unholy cinema chimera fashioned from the exhumed rotting corpses of three of the producers’ previous already rancorous efforts shelved and hidden from society due to their vermicious nature. Not content with offering these putrid remains stitched together with the callous surgical threads of cruelty, misogyny, Play-Doh™ stop motion animation and tactless comic relief, they then swathed this insult to life in an ashen shroud of jarring cod philosophical connecting story (creating a “portmanteau”, in loathsome filmtwat verminspeak) and dayglo aerobics-rock dance routine.

For the love of God and all that is Holy, avoid this presentation at all costs!